Chuck Norris.

[Gunns]

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

[EdFairmontGhia]

Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.

[EdFairmontGhia]

Most people wake up and open the blinds, Chuck Norris wakes up and tells the sun to show itself..

[Gunns]

Chuck Norris walks into this warehouse and kicks out all the guys and deals with the gals himself
(WARNING EXPLICIT IMAGES, DO NOT OPEN IF YOU ARE AT WORK)

Link removed.

The Flange thread got closed cos you took it to far, now here we go again. Will you ever learn?

[Damo]

Chuck Norris reads Chuck Norris facts.

[BlackED_Sprint]

Thats some of the funniest shit i seen in a long time!
"Chuck norris does not churn butter, chuck norris roundhouse kicks cows and the butter comes out"

[Rollin]

Lol!

Some I stole from the youtube page that video came from:

chuck norris doesnt go hunting CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING!!

Chuck Norris CAN touch Mc Hammer.

chuck norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.

Chuck Norris can win a game of connect four in three moves.

chuck norris ate a whole bottle of sleeping pills and only blinked once.

chuck norris is so tough,under his beard is just another fist.

chuck norris once went to the virgin islands. After he left,they were known as "the islands".

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.

Chuck Norris can take your virignity. Again, and again, and again.

Classic!

[jaikai]

The Bible was originally called "Chuck Norris and friends"

JAIKAI

[Bomber]

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

[braiden]

My fave CN quote...

"I'm as serious as a heart attack"

lol

[JUZXR8]

Chuck Norris once had sex ontop of a Mack truck and some of his sperm dropped onto the engine. The truck is now the one we call Optimus Prime

[Damo]

Chuck Norris once had sex ontop of a Mack truck and some of his sperm dropped onto the engine. The truck is now the one we call Optimus Prime

LOLOLOLOLOLOL

[Malakai]

Oh the gold keeps coming!

[Gubas]

Obviously a fake. Chuck Norris would have roundhouse kicked everyone at Penquin publishling, twice, while calculating a flat tax proposal.

Chuck Norris sues over 'mythical facts'
Saturday Dec 22 14:50 AEDT
AP - Tough-guy actor and martial arts expert Chuck Norris has sued publisher Penguin over a book he claims unfairly exploits his famous name, based on a satirical internet list of "mythical facts" about him.

Penguin published The Truth About Chuck Norris: 400 facts about the World's Greatest Human in November.

Author Ian Spector, an undergraduate at Brown University, and two websites he runs to promote the book, including http://www.truthaboutchuck.com, are also named in the suit.

The book capitalises on "mythical facts" that have been circulating on the internet since 2005 that poke fun at Norris's tough-guy image and super-human abilities, the suit said.
It includes such humorous "facts" as "Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried" and "Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits," the suit said, as well as "Chuck Norris can charge a cell phone by rubbing it against his beard."

"Some of the 'facts' in the book are racist, lewd or portray Mr Norris as engaged in illegal activities," the lawsuit alleges.

Norris, who rose to fame in the 1970s and 1980s as the star of such films as The Delta Force and Missing in Action, says the book's title would mislead readers into thinking the facts were true.

"Defendants have misappropriated and exploited Mr Norris's name and likeness without authorisation for their own commercial profit," said the lawsuit.

The suit, filed in Manhattan federal court, seeks unspecified monetary damages for trademark infringement, unjust enrichment and privacy rights.

Norris, whose real name is Carlos Ray Norris, claims in the suit he is protective of what his name is associated with. He has recently made US headlines for backing Republican presidential candidate former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee.

Norris, an author himself of fiction and non-fiction books, has been in more than 20 films. The actor was a six-time undefeated World Professional Middle Weight Karate champion who in 1997 became the first man in the Western Hemisphere to be awarded an 8th degree Black Belt Grand Master recognition in the Tae Kwon Do system, the suit said.

A spokesman for Penguin was not immediately available for comment.

[Rollin]

Chuck Norris can charge a cell phone by rubbing it against his beard

ROFLMAO!!!!

...says the book's title would mislead readers into thinking the facts were true.

HAHA!!! 'Sif you can't tell it's a joke. Good idea for a book though - but they should have gotten permission first.

[[Sterling]]

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

LOL

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! piss funny!

[98NLFAIRLANE]

chuck norris sleeps with a night light, not because HE is scared of the dark but because the dark is scared of chuck norris...

mind you I am scared of him cause he is gay

[98NLFAIRLANE]

chuck norris sleeps with a night light, not because HE is scared of the dark but because the dark is scared of chuck norris...

mind you I am scared of him cause he is gay

[Jim Beam]

Chuck Norris once had sex ontop of a Mack truck and some of his sperm dropped onto the engine. The truck is now the one we call Optimus Prime

Duh every nerd knows hes a Freightliner.

[Rollin]

Found another:

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

[Italian_Stallion]

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

[Italian_Stallion]

Here's another: Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

[Gozza]

Chuck Norris exists because i fucked the woman he now calls his mother

[Malakai]

Chuck Norris exists because i fucked the woman he now calls his mother

Turn it up! Your mother exists because she...... hang on I'm going to stop right there! Even I know where to draw the line.

[Italian_Stallion]

My personal fav..."When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down".

LMAO!!!

[Malakai]

step 1: load up http://www.google.com.au
step 2: type in "find chuck norris" in search box (do not press enter)
step 3: click "I'm feeling lucky"

[LUXO_8]

step 1: load up http://www.google.com.au
step 2: type in "find chuck norris" in search box (do not press enter)
step 3: click "I'm feeling lucky"

BWAHAHA
thats cool

[Damo]

lulz

[Bipolar]

that's farken kool

[eb-baby]

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. no one fools Chuck Norris.

Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can swim through dry land.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

if Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space who would win? Chuck Norris.

Superman wears Chuck Norris pyjamas when he goes to sleep.

Chuck Norris died 10 years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

when Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can beat the sun in a staring contest.

Chuck Norris can hold his breath for 9 years.

Chuck Norris does believe its not butter.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking he name of what he calls everything around you.

There is no such thing as a lesbian, only girls who havn't met Chuck Norris.

Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.

if Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the **** down.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris doesnt chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil.

When Chuck Norris runs with scissors other people get hurt.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac from Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.

Chuck Norris once had a heart attack, his heart lost.

When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it effects the economy.

Chuck Norris doesnt believe in Germany.

Chuck Norris does not know bout this website. Is he did he would have just deleted the internet.

Chuck Norris can rhyme orange and purple, with each other.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.

Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, he decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Chuck Norris' penis is so big that it has a penis of its own and it is still bigger than yours.

Chuck Norris doesnt consider it sex if the woman lives.

Chuck Norris doesnt actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

Chuck Norris doesnt eat breakfast, he forces it into submission.

Anyone can piss on the floor, but only Chuck Norris can shit on the ceiling.

What is the quickest way to a mans heart? Chuck Norris' fist.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in the game of tennis.

God said "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said "Say please".

Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris beleves its not butter.

Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.

Chuck Norris can split the atom, with his bare hands.

Chuck Norris let the dogs out.

Chuck Norris invented black. in fact, Chuck Norris invented the entire spectrum of visible light. except pink, Tom Cruise invented pink.

Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair, it lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.

What came first, the chicken or the egg? Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can start a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognises the element of suprise.

Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made of real cowboys.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

Chuck Norris is wat Willis was talking about.

When Chuck Norris goes hunting he shoots himself in the leg to give the bear a head start.

Chuck Norris once played russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

The only thing better than Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris on TV, talkig about Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycle Bin.

Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.

What was going through the minds of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.




meh...thats only a few lol i juz got sick of typing lol

[Rollin]

Fricken brilliant!!!! I was rofling like a lunatic the whole way through that!!

[Fairmont888]

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide

A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

[Bipolar]

Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When the director said he can't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's father. It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: The Light Side, The Dark Side, and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard. God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful; it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.

Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.

In one episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carltonfor one scene and nobody noticed.

Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, "always leave things the way you found em!"

In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kick.

One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.

Before email was invented Chuck Norris would attach messages to pidgeons and roundhouse kick them.

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Ever.

[Kyle the ED4LTR]

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=xjnVEsXtNIU

[[Sterling]]

ROFL ^^ he once run to australia from the usa while holding an erection for 31 days