How To Stay Classy: Things I Learned From Ron Burgundy.
Posted: December 23rd, 2007, 12:39 amStole this from a group on facebook - Anchorman > *.*
.:If you have many leather-bound books and your apartment smells of rich mahogany, you are kind of a big deal. If you are kind of a big deal, let people know about it:.
.:You aren't co-workers. You are co-people:.
.:If you look good, make sure everyone comes and sees how good you look:.
.:Women don't belong in the workplace. Their menstruation attracts bears. That puts everyone in jeopardy:.
.:Make sure you have suits so fine they make Sinatra look like a hobo. A voice that makes a wolverine purr wouldn't hurt either:.
.:Littering just leads to pain:.
.:Looking at objects in the room does not mean you love them:.
.:Jumping straight up into a bear pit is a decision you will immediately regret:.
.: Dont allow Audrey do your makeup. You will have bags under your eyes and look like hell:.
.: Don't add anything to the teleprompter that shouldn't be there...it will get read!:.
.:San Diego was not discovered in 1904, and does not mean a whale's vagina in German. There's no way that's correct:.
.:If you want to bag a classy lady, just give her two tickets to the gun show:.
.:You may not always be able to shout something from the top of a mountain, so a news room and a camera will also do:.
.:If you kill a man with a trident, you might want lay low for a little while:.
.:The best way to express your inner anguish is through the majesty of song:.
.:It's not love if you don't even know her name...that's off to a bad start:.
.:Losing both your arms can be pretty ri-goddamn-diculous:.
.:Never go soft like some schoolboy bitch:.
.:The worst way to get a girl is to tell her you want to be on her:.
.:Incidentally, the best way is to play the jazz flute:.
.:Listen to your dog, he's wise like a miniature Buddha covered in hair. Even if he does speak Spanish:.
.:You can't do interviews with live bears, they will literally rip your face off:.
.: I don't care if you want to take her out for a nice seafood dinner, leave the mothers out of it:.
.: Don't mess with Jack Johnson or Tom O'Leary:.
.:Nuns don't watch German Pornography. Period:.
.: It's okay to miss work if you are in a glass case of emotion:.
.: Don't let the guy who can't think give you directions. He'll lead you straight into a bilingual bloodfest. Fantastic!:.
.:Giving a disillusioned fan some money out of your wallet will not ease the pain:.
.:Never ever even consider buying your suit at the toilet store:.
.: Don't arbitrarily use a saying, especially if you have no idea what it means. i.e., When In Rome, Do As The Romans Do:.
.: If you want to get invited to Ron's Family Band touring the countryside, never insult his woman:.
.:Nicknaming your penis The Octagon and your testes Dr. Kenneth Noisewater and James Westfall will make you the stylish one in the group:.
.:Leave the hair and face out of it:.
.: If you suddenly find yourself with a huge public erection, don't worry about it. It is probably just the cut of the trousers. You can always just take it back to the pants store:.
.: Don't hold that celebrity golf tournament again. Too many people died last year:.
.: Don't check the dictionary for your name:.
.:The very best way to summon your friends is by conch shell:.
.: If it has bits of real panther, you know it's good:.
.:On a hot day, milk is always a bad choice:.
.: Don't ditch your friends' monthly pancake breakfast for some new fad called yogging. I don't care how wild running for an extended period of time may be:.
.:Fiberglass insulation is not cotton candy, no matter what that guy says...and your tummy will itch:.
.: Diversity is not an old, old wooden ship used in the civil war era:.
.:Telling your beloved city to go **** itself is never in your best interests:.
.: It really can get worse than that time the raccoon got into the copier:.
.: Desire never smells like a used diaper filled with Indian food...not even to some people:.
.: If you go to a crazy party, you might end up with a hangover, in a screaming Japanese family's rec room, or with a big red candle inside you:.
.: It is Anchorman, not Anchorlady, and that is a scientific fact:.
.:Keep your head on a swivel when you are in a vicious cock fight:.
It's boring, but it's my life. WHAMMY!
*These lessons will make you an overall classier person, guaranteed. They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time, it works every time.
*Disclaimer: This facebook group is based on a real-life story. Only the names, events, and dates have been changed.
...HEY AQUA LUNG!
............................................................................................................................................................................................
Oh yeah, that always goes down smooth!
.:If you have many leather-bound books and your apartment smells of rich mahogany, you are kind of a big deal. If you are kind of a big deal, let people know about it:.
.:You aren't co-workers. You are co-people:.
.:If you look good, make sure everyone comes and sees how good you look:.
.:Women don't belong in the workplace. Their menstruation attracts bears. That puts everyone in jeopardy:.
.:Make sure you have suits so fine they make Sinatra look like a hobo. A voice that makes a wolverine purr wouldn't hurt either:.
.:Littering just leads to pain:.
.:Looking at objects in the room does not mean you love them:.
.:Jumping straight up into a bear pit is a decision you will immediately regret:.
.: Dont allow Audrey do your makeup. You will have bags under your eyes and look like hell:.
.: Don't add anything to the teleprompter that shouldn't be there...it will get read!:.
.:San Diego was not discovered in 1904, and does not mean a whale's vagina in German. There's no way that's correct:.
.:If you want to bag a classy lady, just give her two tickets to the gun show:.
.:You may not always be able to shout something from the top of a mountain, so a news room and a camera will also do:.
.:If you kill a man with a trident, you might want lay low for a little while:.
.:The best way to express your inner anguish is through the majesty of song:.
.:It's not love if you don't even know her name...that's off to a bad start:.
.:Losing both your arms can be pretty ri-goddamn-diculous:.
.:Never go soft like some schoolboy bitch:.
.:The worst way to get a girl is to tell her you want to be on her:.
.:Incidentally, the best way is to play the jazz flute:.
.:Listen to your dog, he's wise like a miniature Buddha covered in hair. Even if he does speak Spanish:.
.:You can't do interviews with live bears, they will literally rip your face off:.
.: I don't care if you want to take her out for a nice seafood dinner, leave the mothers out of it:.
.: Don't mess with Jack Johnson or Tom O'Leary:.
.:Nuns don't watch German Pornography. Period:.
.: It's okay to miss work if you are in a glass case of emotion:.
.: Don't let the guy who can't think give you directions. He'll lead you straight into a bilingual bloodfest. Fantastic!:.
.:Giving a disillusioned fan some money out of your wallet will not ease the pain:.
.:Never ever even consider buying your suit at the toilet store:.
.: Don't arbitrarily use a saying, especially if you have no idea what it means. i.e., When In Rome, Do As The Romans Do:.
.: If you want to get invited to Ron's Family Band touring the countryside, never insult his woman:.
.:Nicknaming your penis The Octagon and your testes Dr. Kenneth Noisewater and James Westfall will make you the stylish one in the group:.
.:Leave the hair and face out of it:.
.: If you suddenly find yourself with a huge public erection, don't worry about it. It is probably just the cut of the trousers. You can always just take it back to the pants store:.
.: Don't hold that celebrity golf tournament again. Too many people died last year:.
.: Don't check the dictionary for your name:.
.:The very best way to summon your friends is by conch shell:.
.: If it has bits of real panther, you know it's good:.
.:On a hot day, milk is always a bad choice:.
.: Don't ditch your friends' monthly pancake breakfast for some new fad called yogging. I don't care how wild running for an extended period of time may be:.
.:Fiberglass insulation is not cotton candy, no matter what that guy says...and your tummy will itch:.
.: Diversity is not an old, old wooden ship used in the civil war era:.
.:Telling your beloved city to go **** itself is never in your best interests:.
.: It really can get worse than that time the raccoon got into the copier:.
.: Desire never smells like a used diaper filled with Indian food...not even to some people:.
.: If you go to a crazy party, you might end up with a hangover, in a screaming Japanese family's rec room, or with a big red candle inside you:.
.: It is Anchorman, not Anchorlady, and that is a scientific fact:.
.:Keep your head on a swivel when you are in a vicious cock fight:.
It's boring, but it's my life. WHAMMY!
*These lessons will make you an overall classier person, guaranteed. They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time, it works every time.
*Disclaimer: This facebook group is based on a real-life story. Only the names, events, and dates have been changed.
...HEY AQUA LUNG!
............................................................................................................................................................................................
Oh yeah, that always goes down smooth!
