Boosted Falcon

Asked what the "Luftwaffe" was, my female housemate genuinely replied with "oh that's easy, it's a hairbrush!!!". I shit-you-not, she was being serious.

I therefore reserve the right to be a chauvinistic bastard from now on.

Who else has some "my dumb girlfriend/wife/mistress/sister said this and it was really dumb" stories?

i don't have any stories sorry.

Well you fuckin suck. Oh, this was "Boston's" mrs by the way, he said to say hi. So there.

Shes not my girlfriend/wife/mistress/sister (thank f) she was some chick i went to highschool with and in one maths lesson we were using an airport runway as an example for some sht problem and she intellegently put her hand up and asked what a runway was.

Then another time the same chick asked why it didn't snow in Australia wtf? I'm glad i sconned her in the head with my pencil case before i left the school!

this girl i used to see once seriously asked if clouds were really made of cotton wool, and if they were how can planes fly through them

one bird i knew (now a lawyer believe it or not) when i first got the EL and we were cruising down the SE freeway asked 'does the cruise control mean the car drives itself?' she also asked once when i was with Qantas 'how can planes sit there and hover'

what about stories about boyfirends/brother????
id have plenty

Hmmm a Chick in the office asked if she needed a passport to fly to Tasmania. Another chick asked where her mobile was while she was talking to me on it.

top stories so far!!

a woman i used to work with told me this story (why i have no idea, i wouldnt be telling anyone this if it were me) that her and her husband were watching TV one day and independance day was on.

about 3/4 way through the movie, she turned to her husband and said "is this a true story?"

my g/f has a small case of dyslexia and told me to take some vulti mitamins (say it out loud) and when i made fun of her, she got so confused she called multi vitamins vulti mitamins for about a week

One of my old flangefriends from school said (loudly) on our VCE trip to Melbourne "I didn't know trams had wheels!", when we were on a tram. Quickly followed by "don't laugh at me, you don't even know me!" when some random on the tram started laughing at her.

LOL tram wheels.

Dave wrote:One of my old flangefriends from school said (loudly) on our VCE trip to Melbourne "I didn't know trams had wheels!", when we were on a tram. Quickly followed by "don't laugh at me, you don't even know me!" when some random on the tram started laughing at her.

GOLD! Pure GOLD!

Commando wrote: "don't laugh at me, you don't even know me!"

LOL @ You dont even know me............

Also they say "Do you like Stuff?"

I girl that worked for us for a while was convinced that there was a bridge that connected Victoria and Tasmania.
After having a good laugh and paying out on her, one of the other blokes at work caught on to what she was on about.
He informed her the bridge she was talking about actually connected San Remo to Phillip Island. lol

Ok it wasn't my miss', but one of my friends, we were at the cinemas and went to get some snacks. She asked for a choctop and said they didn't have any out front so he hadto go outback to get some more, my friends GF then asked him if the ones outback were frozen :S

ORSM4L wrote:I girl that worked for us for a while was convinced that there was a bridge that connected Victoria and Tasmania.
After having a good laugh and paying out on her, one of the other blokes at work caught on to what she was on about.
He informed her the bridge she was talking about actually connected San Remo to Phillip Island. lol

bahaha !!

Went to the speedway one night and after a pretty big spill the commentator said that Car #whatever had broken steering arm. My girl asked me if the guy was going to hospital.

I still get laughs out of that one.

TUFED6 wrote:Went to the speedway one night and after a pretty big spill the commentator said that Car #whatever had broken steering arm. My girl asked me if the guy was going to hospital.

I still get laughs out of that one.

hahaha thats awesome!!!

Heres one about a chick in my maths class.
Teacher was explaining how to do some stuff on the calculator, and gave an example to do.
The chick asked if syntax error was the answer.

We've come to the conclusion that women are dumb kents




Except EB barbie

My missus comes out with some bonehead stuff sometimes. I seriously can't remember most of them it happens that often.

Best in recent times, we were at the Casino while they had their 10th birthday shindig with the fireworks. Small talking with the dealer, he mentioned that the fireworks were $500,000 odd. "What, 500,000 fireworks?"

top stuff!

not a girl...but a not very manly bloke once asked me what the southern cross was...i almost fell outta my chair with laughter!

and my g/f asked me who the hell richie benaud is...i mean cmon...what is wrong with some people?

JUZXR8 wrote:
and my g/f asked me who the hell richie benaud is...i mean cmon...what is wrong with some people?

shoulda said, "oh and i bet you dont know what dirty sanchez is either!" and then when she says no, WAM! you wack one on her..

SgtBourne wrote:

JUZXR8 wrote:
and my g/f asked me who the hell richie benaud is...i mean cmon...what is wrong with some people?

shoulda said, "oh and i bet you dont know what dirty sanchez is either!" and then when she says no, WAM! you wack one on her..

rofl now i gotta make up a sex position called THE RICHIE BENAUD
suggestions?

It took about 4 years of me saying to my gf "No, it's an FPV GT-P. They're not 2 different cars. I told you that last time." for it to finally sink in.

SIKORA wrote:

SgtBourne wrote:

JUZXR8 wrote:
and my g/f asked me who the hell richie benaud is...i mean cmon...what is wrong with some people?

shoulda said, "oh and i bet you dont know what dirty sanchez is either!" and then when she says no, WAM! you wack one on her..

rofl now i gotta make up a sex position called THE RICHIE BENAUD
suggestions?

THE RICHIE BENAUD

Ingredients:

1 inflatable rubber chicken
500g gelatin
2 cups of water
1 cricket ball (preferably the one from the infamous "underarm" incident)
Shane Warne's mobile set on vibrate
Colonel Sanders KFC pimp suit
1 Baggy Green
1 plastic Kanga Cricket bat
1 massive black West Indies batter
1 internet connection
1 SIKORA

Preparation:

Firstly, stuff the cricket ball into the head of the inflatable rubber chicken, followed by Warney's mobile. Mix the gelatin and water together and fill the rest of the inflatable rubber chicken, moulding to a vaguely phallic shape. Allow to set.

Then, dress the black West Indies batter in Colonel Sanders KFC pimp suit and place the Baggy Green cap on his head. Place plastic Kanga Cricket bat in batter's hands.

Place SIKORA in the "tying up shoes without bending knees" position, with the now-set phallic rubber chicken *just* entering the bungholio region.

Whisper in the batter's ear that Warney's last sledge during an AUS/WI match had a racial slur, causing him to see red. Batter then proceeds to smash the phallic rubber chicken into SIKORA's cavity. Prior to the batter breaking the plastic Kanga bat, dial Warney's mobile, with the ringtone stating "Marveloush catch, that! Kay Eff Schee can't beat that tayshte!"

Finally, post this on the innernets.

Allow to stand for 2 minutes
Serves SIKORA

OMFG thats brilliant. gotta love the "tying up shoes without bending knees" position!!!

LMFAO Dave! You have too much spare time!

I enjoy victimising certain individuals, even though I haven't met them before. It just adds to the randomness of innernets fun

SIKORA is probably a largeish bastard in real life (maybe he's the black WI batsman?) who will treat my face like Cappa treats his dignity, at the next BE-S meet...

SIKORA wrote:We've come to the conclusion that women are dumb kents




Except EB barbie

asshole. i am not

SIKORA wrote:rofl now i gotta make up a sex position called THE RICHIE BENAUD
suggestions?

you wear a white, off white, ivory, bone or beig(sp) jacket and you commentate.

"and yesh, the yong man has hit that firmly through the gap, good shot, came well off the bat that time and the crowd love it"

don't have any stories of stupid things being said by the gf, but this one here makes me laugh. looks, listen, and take heed!!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=MMb8Csll9Ws

SgtBourne wrote:

SIKORA wrote:rofl now i gotta make up a sex position called THE RICHIE BENAUD
suggestions?

you wear a white, off white, ivory, bone or beig(sp) jacket and you commentate.

You forgot the cream!

"Rich I don't hold any grudges, a grudge to me is nothing but a place to park you car"

fordbaby wrote:

SIKORA wrote:We've come to the conclusion that women are dumb kents




Except EB barbie

asshole. i am not

LoL thanks! Haha thought Krsity might have something to say about that. Im actually suprised Pete hasnt added his say yet! Good boy Peter

SgtBourne wrote:

SIKORA wrote:rofl now i gotta make up a sex position called THE RICHIE BENAUD
suggestions?

you wear a white, off white, ivory, bone or beig(sp) jacket and you commentate.

"and yesh, the yong man has hit that firmly through the gap, good shot, came well off the bat that time and the crowd love it"

Thats fucken gold!! lol..

Commando wrote:I enjoy victimising certain individuals, even though I haven't met them before. It just adds to the randomness of innernets fun

SIKORA is probably a largeish bastard in real life (maybe he's the black WI batsman?) who will treat my face like Cappa treats his dignity, at the next BE-S meet...

LOL Well im actually am a huge **** in real life hahah im 206cms guess u werent expecting that lol
haha nothing wrong with a little internet bashing hehe i look forward to meeting you at the next cruise

pHaT`eL wrote:Thats fucken gold!! lol..

glad to be of service

SIKORA wrote:

Commando wrote:I enjoy victimising certain individuals, even though I haven't met them before. It just adds to the randomness of innernets fun

SIKORA is probably a largeish bastard in real life (maybe he's the black WI batsman?) who will treat my face like Cappa treats his dignity, at the next BE-S meet...

LOL Well im actually am a huge **** in real life hahah im 206cms guess u werent expecting that lol
haha nothing wrong with a little internet bashing hehe i look forward to meeting you at the next cruise

<3 <3 <3

My 65kg frame quivers in anticipation. Just don't try and Richie Benaud moves on me

Commando wrote:My 65kg frame quivers in anticipation:P

Why do i get the feeling that this is not the first time this has happened

SIKORA wrote: rofl now i gotta make up a sex position called THE RICHIE BENAUDsuggestions?

i think this link might help, along with Dave's method maybe???

http://classic.fhm.com.au/kamasutra/positions.php