Why men shouldn't write advice columns

[LTDHO]

Dear Ted,
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving
my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more
than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car
shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.
When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a
female neighbour making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband
is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted
him, he tried to make out that he went into the back yard and heard a
lady scream, had come to her rescue but found her unconscious. He'd
carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed, and began
resuscitation. When she awoke she immediately began thanking him and
kissing him and he was attempting to break free when I came back. But
when I asked him why neither of them had any clothes on, he broke down
and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months.
I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six
months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and
worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum
he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to
him anymore. Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Susie Fox



Dear Susie,
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a
variety of faults. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel
line. If it is clear, check the clips holding the vacuum lines onto the
inlet manifold for air leaks. If none of these approaches solves the
problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low
delivery pressure to the carburettor flow at chamber . I hope this
helps. Ted

[holmsy]

hahahahahaha. gota love it.

[halo]

lol GOLD

[simon5574]

fair response,

i would've thought she would be smart enough to at least check there was plenty of fuel before going to hassle her hubby, then her other problem may have been averted!

[pHaT`eL]

LOL.. absolute gold!

[get_an_ea_today]

lolol that is gold

[Commando]

Great advice there! He sees through the bullshit & gets straight to what truly matters

Was there any follow-up from Susie regarding the car's problem?

[Damo]

didn't get a lol from me.

[G3R3N]

lol
sounds like a bitch

[[chubbz]]

thats gold

[Gunns]

Q: My husband wants to have a threesome with me and my best friend.

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys

A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The Man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house, too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.

A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex and cooking him a nice meal.

Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.

A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.

[smokin ef]

ahahaha the first ones a ripper lol

[Eb Barbie]

Lol at semen can help you lose weight!

[LTDHO]

Lol at semen can help you lose weight!

best you speak to Pete!


Gunns, all good advice there.

[pHaT`eL]

LOL @ perform oral sex and cook him a nice meal, haha..

[[Sterling]]

it all ends in "cook him a nice meal" Thats fantastic lol!!